Will Canadian Zombies Be More Polite Than Other Zombies?

Because, you know, Canadians are always so darned polite. And cheerful and clean too! And good looking. See?

Canadian actor Nathan Fillion

Oh, wait. I’m getting distracted again, aren’t I?

So why my interest in Canadian zombies today, you ask?

Because The Girls’ Guide to Surviving the Apocalypse reports that the Canadian government is preparing for the Zombie Apocalypse. For those of you too lazy to click on the link, I’ll summarize. The Canadian government says a Zombie Apocalypse is unlikely, but you should prepare for one anyway because then you will be truly ready for anything.

I quote: “The threat of zombie attack is a popular phenomenon around the globe and with it comes the message to “be prepared”. Earthquakes, tsunamis, floods, landslides, avalanches, interface fires, severe storms and hazardous material spills are some of the dangers that could threaten lives and cause extensive damage in British Columbia. And while the chance of zombies a-knockin’ on your door is pretty slim, we do believe that if you’re ready for zombies, you’re ready for any disaster.”

This is so true, because I can’t think of ANY disaster in which a flamethrower, lots of bottled water, and a cute little dog with a backpack won’t come in handy.

To be clear, the Canadian government does NOT include the flamethrower or the dog on their list of Zombie Preparedness Essentials (or ZPE’s, because I’m sure that any government smart enough to come up with a zombie preparedness plan is also smart enough to develop an acronym for it too). Their list does include things like a first aid kit and a large flashlight. The flashlight could work for a while since I’m sure many Zombies hate and fear the Light. Also if it’s big and heavy, you could use it in close-quarters zombie combat scenarios.

For those who like to be prepared, additional zombie-fighting items can be found here and here. And if you really want to get ready for the inevitable, I hear there’s now a Zombie Fighting Boot Camp available.

It worries me a little that both the Girls’ Guide to the Apocalypse and the Zombie Fighting Boot Camp are UK based. Do they and the Canadians know something we Americans don’t? Are the Canadians and the Brits planning to use a Zombie Apocalypse Event to become the new (or I guess old) world power?

Because the American government is sure not worried about Zombies. The CDC says so, and they wouldn’t lie. Would they?

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The Zombie Thing Again

Found this buried in one of my albums on Facebook.

 

I tried canning once, but it was hot and messy and then I kept worrying that I didn’t do it right and the food would kill us when we finally ate it. So when the zombies do come (which will be soon, I just know it), I’ll have to stock up on Campbell’s Soup and make sure I have a good manual can opener.

Irrational Fears – Or Are They? – Part One

Couldn’t sleep a few nights ago due to a massive allergy attack that had me sneezing like someone who’d snorted a line of pollen-infused cocaine. So, like any normal person with insomnia, I started channel surfing. And there was Jake Weber! I love Jake Weber! And he was in danger!!! How could I leave Jake when he was in danger?! And then there was a dog!!! A cute scruffy little dog carrying a little backpack! And it was in danger too!!! How could I leave Jake and the little dog with the backpack?!

Those of you who watch a lot of Syfy (you know, the thing that used to be the SciFi Network) are no doubt laughing at me by now. You probably knew as soon as I mentioned the dog with the backpack what I had gotten myself into, but I did not. It was one of the things I dread most in the entire world: a zombie movie.  And not just any Zombie movie. It was Zack Snyder’s remake of Dawn of the Dead. I have never made it through an entire zombie movie in my life, but my mind was addled by the antihistamines and the lack of sleep, so by God, I stuck with it. At some point, it also became a personal quest, a challenge to myself: Can I in fact make it through a zombie movie without barfing or crying or both?

Well, I’m here to tell you I did it. It was a bigger challenge than running a 5K, which I did a few years ago when I was in a lot better shape physically. Jake died tragically but nobly, watching the sunrise. The little dog, who eventually became the real reason I stuck with the thing, made it to the end of the movie and then disappeared into a jungle full of zombies. But the director had already established that Zombies didn’t eat dogs in his universe, so I was okay with that. I figured eventually the little dog would meet another little dog and they would have a little doggie family and establish a new doggie dynasty. Eventually they would evolve and become the dominant race on the planet and wipe out the Zombies. But even with the happy fiction I had created in my mind for the little dog, I was up for the rest of the night checking the locks and worrying about zombies. Because I truly do fear being eaten by zombies.

This was the second thing on TV in a week to tap into one of my greatest irrational fears. The other, believe it or not, was an episode of Castle. I love Nathan Fillion even more than Jake Weber, but Castle  has been looking pretty tired lately. Nonetheless, I keep watching because of Captain Tightpants himself, Nathan. Unfortunately, Nathan and his slightly annoying female cop sidekick wound up in a car that went underwater in the episode I recently watched. That traumatized me for days. Because being trapped in a car underwater is another one of my irrational fears.

I decided that I should make a list of my irrational fears and do some Internet research into just how irrational they are. The results were NOT reassuring. I’ll share those with you in my next post.