It Will ALWAYS be the Year of Captain Tightpants

I decided to check out my WordPress stats, which was silly, since I haven’t had much time for blogging this year. But I am pleased and amused to report that the top search terms which led folks to this here blog are once again those classics: “Captain Tightpants” and “Fear of Drowning in a Car.”

resqme-yellow-keysFor those of you who share my dread of going anywhere near water while in a car, there’s this to offer you a false sense of safety. I keep it on my keychain, so I’ll know where to find it when the car hits the water and I begin to panic. Of course, I am a LOUSY swimmer, which is a large part of why I fear drowning in my car, so probably the ResqMe tool will be utterly useless. But not due to any design flaws on their part, my husband The Engineer informs me.

 

 

Now, for those of you who came here for a dose of Captain Tightpants, I offer you the following delights:

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Serenity: Leaves on the Wind – a graphic novel by Zack Whedon!

 

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Firefly Clue. But it really only makes sense if JAYNE did it. Every time.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

And while it’s not Captain Tightpants, there’s always this. Yeah, he still cleans up pretty nice.

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Cheating on Captain Tightpants

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Yes, it’s true. I’ve been cheating on Captain Tightpants. If you read this blog, then by now you must know of my great love for Nathan “Captain Tightpants” Fillion. No, he doesn’t really do the tightpants look  in his current role as Richard Castle. The ugly truth is, I think he’s put on a few too many pounds these last couple of years. Also, there’s an age where the tightpants look just starts to seem a little desperate. I’m not pointing any fingers in accusation, mind you, since I too am now at the age and the weight which preclude looking sexy in tight pants. But surely you know I’m not so shallow as to be cheating on my man because of his age or his weight.

No, it’s more because he’s not there for me anymore. That’s usually what causes a relationship to end, isn’t it? I have to say that Castle has been looking tired for a couple of years now. For one thing, Castle himself has gone from charming bon vivant uber author to angsty, irritable househusband. Writing itself is rarely mentioned anymore and his regular poker games with real life novelists like James Patterson disappeared several seasons ago. This could work as a story turn too: maybe Castle could whinge about having severe writer’s block, meet with an angry agent or two, endure a sneering article in The New Yorker about what a has been he’s become. But no, we just never talk about it at all. He follows his woman around like a loyal puppy dog and seems to have no other goal in life. Frankly, it’s getting dull. And not just dull for me. Stana Katic and Nathan Fillion both look like they would rather be phoning this stuff in from their trailers. And who can blame them? Once you resort to the “Oh no! What will we do with this crying baby?!” plot device, it’s really time to turn out the lights and go home.

Nathan and Tom Lenk as the bumbling cops in "Much Ado."
Nathan and Tom Lenk as the bumbling cops in “Much Ado.”

I loved Nathan’s turn as a bumbling cop in Joss Whedon‘s brilliant Much Ado About Nothing, so don’t get me wrong. I firmly believe Captain Tightpants and his roguish wit are still hiding somewhere inside Nathan Fillion. But we probably won’t see that side of him again until he moves on to a new project. I’d like to tell you I’m cheating on Nathan with Dylan McDermott or James Spader, long time loves of mine who are starring in shows in the same time slot as Castle. But alas, both shows leave me cold. Instead, I’ve been DVR’ing someone else and watching him when I should be watching Nathan.

misonI’m sorry, Nathan, so sorry. But you just can’t compete with the surreal terror and wacky humor of Sleepy Hollow. This show is such a weird hot mess of wonderfulness, I cannot look away. The cast is brilliant — who knew Orlando Jones could play it serious? And as a police captain no less? Nicole Beharie  and Lyndie Greenwood bring so much barely repressed rage to their relationship as estranged sisters, it’s better than The Young and the Restless. And then there’s Tom Mison, a man so charismatic and sexy, he can actually carry a prime time TV show while speaking Middle English. Castle just can’t hold a candle to scenes like that.

Although I could totally envision a revitalized, post-Castle Nathan Fillion popping up in Sleepy Hollow. Perhaps as a mysterious priest whose real loyalties are somewhat ambiguous. Oh hey, we could call the character Caleb

The Captain Tightpants Year in Review

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Why, you are asking yourself, is this blog post entitled “The Captain Tightpants Year in Revew?”

Well, I checked out my blog stats (which I rarely do) and discovered something interesting. Apparently, my readers want more Captain Tightpants. And a little Jake Weber now and then wouldn’t hurt either. In fact, I should probably think about building an entire blog around my great love of Captain Tightpants, as you will see, if you read on. One of the neat stats WordPress offers its bloggers is a list of search terms people use in order to get to your site. Without further ado, here are mine.

LYNN’S TOP SEARCH TERMS FOR 2012:

1.  CAPTAIN TIGHTPANTS

2.  ResQMe

3.  CAPTAIN TIGHT PANTS (I know, right? I’m thinking maybe I just need to do the entire blog about Nathan Fillion from now on.)

4.  Lynn Reynolds (Well, that was unexpected. Probably they’re looking for this Lynn Reynolds, though.)

5.  Jake Weber (So maybe devote the blog to Nathan and Jake from now on???)

6.  Fear of Drowning in a Car (See? I knew I wasn’t the only one worrying about this.)

7.  Zombie Dog (See picture at right) 128860615052329781

8.  CAPTAIN TIGHTPANTS HAPPY BIRTHDAY (Now this is getting ridiculous. Either I need to mention Nathan Fillion a lot less, or he needs to start paying me his  publicist’s fee, for crying out loud.)

9.  Fear of Ferris Wheels (Yeah, I knew I wasn’t the only one worrying about that too.)

10. NATHAN FILLION GIRLFRIEND (Oh, for Heaven’s sake.)

Look, there’s clearly no need for me to say anything else. Now that I know where my readers are coming from, I know exactly how to target my blog. Happy New Year, Friends: