Back in a minute…

Stephen Hawking being presented by his daughter Lucy Hawking at the lecture he gave for NASA’s 50th anniversary. He is probably thinking about how doing those guest shots on ST:NG and The Big Bang Theory helped pay off her student loans, so she had better give him a damn award. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I was really doing good with the blogging every week thing, but then I got this thing called a JOB. You have to put on real clothing (which does not include t-shirts and yoga pants and flip-flops, apparently) and you have to show up at their office at specific times of day and then – this is the really freaky part – you stay there for HOURS and do what they tell you to do.

I vaguely remembered jobs. I had several before giving birth to the shrieking, colicky mess that eventually became our own  Dr. Sheldon Cooper. For most of Dr. Cooper’s young life, I’ve been self-employed, freelancing for area magazines and newspapers on a pretty regular basis. Until about three years ago. In that time, the range of freelance assignments on a local and regional basis has gradually dwindled down to almost nothing. One of my former editors walks dogs and teaches yoga now. Another manages the county senior centers. With the advent of outsourced sweat-shop style journalism via “content providers” like Journatic, freelance news writing is pretty much a dead end these days.

And writing Internet content, which I tried for a while, is a poor substitute for actual print journalism. The emphasis with Internet content is to make your story short and fast. That means churning out lots of not-very-carefully researched articles week after week. Which might be worth it if the pay was stupendous. But in fact, the pay for producing Internet content is more in the range of – wait, let me do some math here: zero times zero, carry the zero. Yes, the pay range for Internet content is more in the range of laughable.

My fiction writing has begun to produce a very modest but steady income, but if I kept trying to churn out laughably under-compensated Internet content, I’d have no time to work on the fiction. So I’ve pretty much given up freelancing of all kinds at this point.

Meanwhile, Dr. Cooper is rapidly approaching the College Event Horizon, at which point he will become a singularity. The gravitational waves produced at the College Event Horizon are known to be more powerful than those emitted by a Black Hole. Stephen Hawking himself has commented, “If I had known how expensive raising a kid was going to be, I’d have canned the Physics crap ages ago and got myself a nice reality show gig on TLC.” Okay, maybe that wasn’t Hawking. Probably it was Bruce Jenner. Or that scary-looking chick with the huge lips. But you get the point.

So the bottom line is – lots less time for blogging, more time wearing make-up and real clothing. No pantyhose required, though. Thank God. I think I’d turn to a life of crime to fund Dr. Cooper’s college education before I’d start wearing pantyhose again.

Once Dr. Cooper is back in school in the fall, I should be able to spend more time on all my writing – including this blog – since I won’t be balancing the JOB with my priority duties as Dr. Cooper’s chauffeur.

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Comments

  1. Lynn, your blogs are always so entertaining. I know exactly what you mean about what a time-sucker a JOB is. I had 43 years of straight employment (I know, I was lucky to have a job all that time), and those years included wearing pantyhose. I won’t wear pantyhose now and I don’t care how white my legs are or how cold it is outside. That’s my story and I’m sticking to it. I hope your Dr. Sheldon Cooper is incredibly successful in his college years. I didn’t know Stephen Hawking had a daughter. Didn’t know he was married. Love the quote about the reality show regardless of who said it.

    • One of my new co-workers is sixty-ish and still wears pantyhose. She looks fabulous – looks way way younger than her age. Probably looks younger than me. Her legs definitely look better than mine! But no way am I wearing pantyhose in August. Especially the hottest August on record. Especially when I’m the one sitting next to the front door. Pantyhose might seem a lot more attractive in that seat come January, though.

Trackbacks

  1. […] it’s looking like Dr. Sheldon Cooper is turning out to be an even bigger magnet for weirdos than I was in my youth. And I was an […]

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