Because, you know, Canadians are always so darned polite. And cheerful and clean too! And good looking. See?
Oh, wait. I’m getting distracted again, aren’t I?
So why my interest in Canadian zombies today, you ask?
Because The Girls’ Guide to Surviving the Apocalypse reports that the Canadian government is preparing for the Zombie Apocalypse. For those of you too lazy to click on the link, I’ll summarize. The Canadian government says a Zombie Apocalypse is unlikely, but you should prepare for one anyway because then you will be truly ready for anything.
I quote: “The threat of zombie attack is a popular phenomenon around the globe and with it comes the message to “be prepared”. Earthquakes, tsunamis, floods, landslides, avalanches, interface fires, severe storms and hazardous material spills are some of the dangers that could threaten lives and cause extensive damage in British Columbia. And while the chance of zombies a-knockin’ on your door is pretty slim, we do believe that if you’re ready for zombies, you’re ready for any disaster.”
This is so true, because I can’t think of ANY disaster in which a flamethrower, lots of bottled water, and a cute little dog with a backpack won’t come in handy.
To be clear, the Canadian government does NOT include the flamethrower or the dog on their list of Zombie Preparedness Essentials (or ZPE’s, because I’m sure that any government smart enough to come up with a zombie preparedness plan is also smart enough to develop an acronym for it too). Their list does include things like a first aid kit and a large flashlight. The flashlight could work for a while since I’m sure many Zombies hate and fear the Light. Also if it’s big and heavy, you could use it in close-quarters zombie combat scenarios.
For those who like to be prepared, additional zombie-fighting items can be found here and here. And if you really want to get ready for the inevitable, I hear there’s now a Zombie Fighting Boot Camp available.
It worries me a little that both the Girls’ Guide to the Apocalypse and the Zombie Fighting Boot Camp are UK based. Do they and the Canadians know something we Americans don’t? Are the Canadians and the Brits planning to use a Zombie Apocalypse Event to become the new (or I guess old) world power?
Because the American government is sure not worried about Zombies. The CDC says so, and they wouldn’t lie. Would they?
- Prepared for Zombies? Then British Columbia Thinks You’re Ready for Anything (wired.com)
- CDC Officially Denies Knowledge Of Zombie Virus (sugarfreak.typepad.com)
- Zombies set to chase people around abandoned shopping centre (newslite.tv)
- 12 Houses That Will Get You Through A Zombie Apocalypse (buzzfeed.com)
- ‘Castle’: ‘Take It Easy. We’re Just Zombie-Walking Here!’ (huffingtonpost.com)