Will Canadian Zombies Be More Polite Than Other Zombies?

Because, you know, Canadians are always so darned polite. And cheerful and clean too! And good looking. See?

Canadian actor Nathan Fillion

Oh, wait. I’m getting distracted again, aren’t I?

So why my interest in Canadian zombies today, you ask?

Because The Girls’ Guide to Surviving the Apocalypse reports that the Canadian government is preparing for the Zombie Apocalypse. For those of you too lazy to click on the link, I’ll summarize. The Canadian government says a Zombie Apocalypse is unlikely, but you should prepare for one anyway because then you will be truly ready for anything.

I quote: “The threat of zombie attack is a popular phenomenon around the globe and with it comes the message to “be prepared”. Earthquakes, tsunamis, floods, landslides, avalanches, interface fires, severe storms and hazardous material spills are some of the dangers that could threaten lives and cause extensive damage in British Columbia. And while the chance of zombies a-knockin’ on your door is pretty slim, we do believe that if you’re ready for zombies, you’re ready for any disaster.”

This is so true, because I can’t think of ANY disaster in which a flamethrower, lots of bottled water, and a cute little dog with a backpack won’t come in handy.

To be clear, the Canadian government does NOT include the flamethrower or the dog on their list of Zombie Preparedness Essentials (or ZPE’s, because I’m sure that any government smart enough to come up with a zombie preparedness plan is also smart enough to develop an acronym for it too). Their list does include things like a first aid kit and a large flashlight. The flashlight could work for a while since I’m sure many Zombies hate and fear the Light. Also if it’s big and heavy, you could use it in close-quarters zombie combat scenarios.

For those who like to be prepared, additional zombie-fighting items can be found here and here. And if you really want to get ready for the inevitable, I hear there’s now a Zombie Fighting Boot Camp available.

It worries me a little that both the Girls’ Guide to the Apocalypse and the Zombie Fighting Boot Camp are UK based. Do they and the Canadians know something we Americans don’t? Are the Canadians and the Brits planning to use a Zombie Apocalypse Event to become the new (or I guess old) world power?

Because the American government is sure not worried about Zombies. The CDC says so, and they wouldn’t lie. Would they?

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Comments

  1. The other day I saw a car with a rear window sticker that said Zombie Apocalypse Response Team. I live in Canada. We must be more prepared up hear than I realized.

  2. Well, my contribution to fighting Zombies would be limited to: a) knitting a net with metal yarn that one could throw over a Zombie to catch it. or b) volunteering to run towards the Zombie as the rest of the group ran away. It would be nice if I had an explosive of some kind so I could take some of the undead out with me. But, if that isn’t possible… maybe I could just take a lot of Coumadin and let that shit work on their Zombie selves. But, Lets face it I’m not gonna out run a Zombie might as get it over quickly, while my crew gets away. (Note to self: If traveling to Canada take an extra prescription bottle of Coumadin JUST IN CASE.)

    • This could work great! Maybe the Coumadin would make the zombies disintegrate faster. I am so generous, I will let you run towards the zombies while I flee with a brave hero who looks suspiciously like Jake Weber. Or if in Canada, like a certain ruggedly handsome Captain who shall remain nameless. (Because otherwise, he will soon start thinking that I am Internet-stalking him and he already has The Bloggess for that.) Like the idea of knitting a net to catch the Zombies. Might not even need metal fibers. Zombies are pretty stupid. Regular old yarn could be confusing enough for them.

      • AND they are actually pretty SLOW, so maybe I could out run them after all. Perhaps we could get one of those jello molds that make jello in the shape of a brain and make Cumadin laced Jello and leave it between us and the Zombies…WITH a metal net hanging above it. Mr. Zombie stops for a delicious blood thinning snack and … foiled by our ingenious trap!

      • You know I’m totally going to use this in my upcoming chick lit masterpiece, Zombies and Margaritas.

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