Irrational Fear #4 – Car Underwater

When Eminem released his epic hit “Stan,” much of the public was appalled by Stan’s violence and misogyny. Me, not so much. I got that Stan was a character in a song, possibly based on someone who had stalked Eminem and maybe with a bit of Eminem himself thrown into the mix. And frankly, it was pretty catchy, especially with that riff from Dido’s “Thank You.”

So while everyone else was getting worked up about the collapse of civilization as we know it because of this song by this crazy-ass rapper, I was just fixating on that ending. You know, the bit where Stan locks his girlfriend in the trunk of the car and then drives off a bridge because Eminem never answered his fan mail.

Oh. My. God. Nightmares for weeks!

 

 

Now my man Nathan Fillion has gone and done it to me with a recent episode of Castle.

Holy Mother of God, Nathan, what are you trying to do to me??? I had to leave the room. Really.

I don’t like being underwater at all. Maybe it relates to a fall while walking on rocks in a stream when I was a little kid. It was one of those awful, unexpected moments — no time to take a breath, no time to prepare yourself for how much colder the water was than you expected it to be. Just cold and wet and chaos and a mouth and nose full of water. I came out of it fine, but the memory lingers. Combining that with being trapped in a small enclosed space — and in the DARK! which I also really hate — well, just the thought makes me crazy.

I know what you’re asking yourself: Hasn’t this girl seen Titanic?

No. Not the Leonardo and Kate epic. Not the 1950’s film A Night to Remember. Not that new series by the guy that wrote Downton Abbey. No, no, no, no and no again. I hate the idea of drowning in general, but I have a particularly demented obsession with being trapped in a car underwater. Since I’m also a pretty lousy swimmer, I probably wouldn’t be able to save myself in either case.

Nonetheless, I long ago decided I needed to be prepared. Certainly better prepared than Kate Beckett. She began Castle as a really kick-ass cop with a sensible short haircut, mad skills, a tough attitude, and the ability to seduce Eastern European crime bosses in Russian. In the last couple of seasons, she’s been reduced to being the sexually frustrated chick with long flowing hair and high heels who doesn’t know how to tell a guy to make a move or get lost. And worse than that, she doesn’t even have one of these *:

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How can she be a freaking cop and NOT have one of these? I have one of these and I’m just a neurotic underemployed freelance writer! And I know some cops and paramedics, and they are the ones who told me about this. So Kate Beckett should definitely go and get one, in case she gets stuck underwater again. It won’t help with the sexual frustration, but it would probably be safer than having Castle fire her service revolver to shoot out the windshield. Oy.

 

[* ResQMe LifeHammer – is a unique portable safety device that goes on your key chain. This innovative tool allows people to escape from being trapped in vehicles. Inspired by the LifeHammer, ResQMe is a revolutionary hand-held rescue tool that is amazingly powerful despite its tiny size. Because it goes on your keys, no installation is required and it’s always available at your fingertips! ResQMe goes where you go and provides real peace of mind to every motorist. No, they didn’t pay me to say that, and for all I know, it won’t even work when I actually need it. I’m hoping to never find out.]

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Back to Our Regularly Scheduled Program. Soon.

I hope.

I was really doing great with the weekly blogging thing for about five minutes there, but then some little thing came unhinged and then another thing and another and –. You get the idea. That’s my life all the time. Nothing’s ever really wrong, I just can’t seem to stick to a schedule very well. This is probably because I’m so busy managing everyone else’s schedule. And by everyone else, I really mean the sullen, Asperger-ific Teenage Taz, who craves structure and order more than a German traffic cop. Actually, when he was little we called him Taz because of how hyper he was. Then he settled down. Now we call him something else. We call him Dr. Sheldon Cooper. This is Sheldon Cooper:

 

You might think that is funny, but you try really living with it every day. Fortunately, I don’t really have to live it with it for very many hours a day now that he’s a teen, because he’s so busy with school, homework, band practice, play practice, and of course, texting strange girls. But he’s been on Easter break for what is starting to seem like forever and I’m lucky if I have the energy to take a shower by the time I’m done organizing him and helping him schedule his homework down to the minute a week in advance — because you certainly can’t just spontaneously pick a subject and decide to do it depending on your mood of the day. That would be chaos. Then aside from the whole scheduling thing, there’s the chauffeuring thing. This is one of the main duties of a mother of a teenager who does not yet drive. I would wish for him to drive, but that would be a whole new kind of chaos, and I’m not ready for it yet. Neither is the rest of the world, trust me.

Anyway, my series of Irrational Fears blogs will resume in a few days when all returns to whatever passes for normal around here. And by then I should also have info on the publication of the new edition of my romance novel, Love Capri Style. I got the rights back to it from my old publisher and I’m having a new edition issued. It should be available as an ebook in a few days and a print edition will follow soon after.

Until then — don’t sit in that chair!