Yes, I said #5 and no you didn’t miss the other four posts in the series. I’m doing this a la David Letterman and counting from my LEAST logical irrational fear to the one that’s actually the most likely to happen in real life. I’m limiting it to five because — hey, I have a life and I can’t go on about this forever.
The truth is, #5 is not even one of my own irrational fears. It’s my son’s. He will no doubt hate me for exposing him in this fashion, but being a teenager, he spends a lot of time hating me anyway. So what the hell, let’s go!
My son — we’ll call him Taz, shall we? Short for Tasmanian Devil, which he was as a toddler — used to love watching old reruns of The Addams Family on Netflix. He’d loved seeing the musical on Broadway, and he thought John Astin was hilariously maniacal and Lurch and Cousin Itt were “da bomb.” Does anyone still say “da bomb?” Okay, I guess he thought they were really “sick.”
Taz just about went under the sofa at the sight of it. I mean, it was just a comical fake shrunken head. It looked a lot like one of those old Troll dolls. I loved Troll dolls
when I was a kid, so maybe that’s why Grandma’s shrunken head collection never disturbed me.
The Man and I had a laugh at our son’s expense and forgot about it. The next time Taz wanted to watch something on Netflix, he emphatically did NOT want to watch The Addams Family. And the next time and the next time after that. In fact, he has never ever watched The Addams Family since. He’s had nightmares about shrunken heads. He read an article about shrunken heads, and that only made it worse. To this day, if you want to make him scream like a girl, you just have to mention SHRUNKEN HEADS.
And then I was writing this post and I read the article about shrunken heads. Now they kind of freak me out a little bit too.
Do you know there were tribes in the Amazon that really did that?! Geez, I thought it was an urban legend. Well, not urban exactly. A rain forest legend? And holy crap, in case you weren’t sure about how thoroughly sick and disturbed the Nazis were — turns out shrunken heads were actually introduced as evidence against them at the Nuremberg trials.
And if you still aren’t totally freaked out about the thought of someone killing you and shrinking your head, watch this clip. Or maybe don’t watch it. I can’t decide what’s scarier — the kids with the shrunken heads, the hammy acting, or the cheesy special effects. But either way, I’m not showing it to Taz.