Couldn’t sleep a few nights ago due to a massive allergy attack that had me sneezing like someone who’d snorted a line of pollen-infused cocaine. So, like any normal person with insomnia, I started channel surfing. And there was Jake Weber! I love Jake Weber! And he was in danger!!! How could I leave Jake when he was in danger?! And then there was a dog!!! A cute scruffy little dog carrying a little backpack! And it was in danger too!!! How could I leave Jake and the little dog with the backpack?!
Those of you who watch a lot of Syfy (you know, the thing that used to be the SciFi Network) are no doubt laughing at me by now. You probably knew as soon as I mentioned the dog with the backpack what I had gotten myself into, but I did not. It was one of the things I dread most in the entire world: a zombie movie. And not just any Zombie movie. It was Zack Snyder’s remake of Dawn of the Dead. I have never made it through an entire zombie movie in my life, but my mind was addled by the antihistamines and the lack of sleep, so by God, I stuck with it. At some point, it also became a personal quest, a challenge to myself: Can I in fact make it through a zombie movie without barfing or crying or both?
Well, I’m here to tell you I did it. It was a bigger challenge than running a 5K, which I did a few years ago when I was in a lot better shape physically. Jake died tragically but nobly, watching the sunrise. The little dog, who eventually became the real reason I stuck with the thing, made it to the end of the movie and then disappeared into a jungle full of zombies. But the director had already established that Zombies didn’t eat dogs in his universe, so I was okay with that. I figured eventually the little dog would meet another little dog and they would have a little doggie family and establish a new doggie dynasty. Eventually they would evolve and become the dominant race on the planet and wipe out the Zombies. But even with the happy fiction I had created in my mind for the little dog, I was up for the rest of the night checking the locks and worrying about zombies. Because I truly do fear being eaten by zombies.
This was the second thing on TV in a week to tap into one of my greatest irrational fears. The other, believe it or not, was an episode of Castle. I love Nathan Fillion even more than Jake Weber, but Castle has been looking pretty tired lately. Nonetheless, I keep watching because of Captain Tightpants himself, Nathan. Unfortunately, Nathan and his slightly annoying female cop sidekick wound up in a car that went underwater in the episode I recently watched. That traumatized me for days. Because being trapped in a car underwater is another one of my irrational fears.
I decided that I should make a list of my irrational fears and do some Internet research into just how irrational they are. The results were NOT reassuring. I’ll share those with you in my next post.